Family, Marriage

Sweeter The Second Time Around?

“Love is sweeter the second time around”, another cliche we hear all the time referring to love and relationship. This one-liner tells a story- two people falling in love and jumping to their happy ever after, only it’s not. For whatever reason, they broke each other’s hearts and went their separate ways. Time flew by and their paths crossed and they decided to give it another run. Is it better?

My perspective on this is quite different but it’s still all about giving love another chance. Only, not with the same person. To me, that would have been suicide after getting into a bad accident. My point of view may not sit well with everyone because we all have different stories where I’m basing my somewhat untimely Valentines post. It might not be a popular perspective but nontheless, it is true because it is my story.

Anyone got into a relationship with a pathological liar and cheater? I’m raising my hand. Did I know about the numerous “incidents” of unfaithfulness? Hmm, yeah. In fact, I got so good at catching him. What I should have done was to walk away, so far away. But, not only did I stay, I even married the damn guy!!! Talking about stupidity. The marriage, you guessed it, didn’t last very long. And it broke my heart and my life to small pieces too difficult to put back together.

Eventually, I did. Thank God, I did. And I also got smarter and became a coward. To me, if you ever emerged from such doom, you become either a smart one who decided to keep herself from getting too attached and fall inlove a gain. You create a wall more formidable than the one in China. Nothing and no one could get through you. If you are not this, then you are the braver one. After the tears and broken heart, you still decide to plunge into the game of love, confident that you will not make same mistakes and the next guy is the one.

Right.

Which was I? When the right time came, even though I didn’t know it, I was both. The smart and the brave merged in me to turn me into someone who hoped for true love but aware of what might come along the way.

Here are my key points when it comes to giving love another chance, may it be with a same man who broke your heart or someone new.

Let it breathe. Like wine, we need to breath. After my greiving period, I moved on and I enjoyed those years when I was single. I let my myself breathe and let everything else in my life settle back to how it used to be. I knew I wasn’t up for another relationship just yet. Those years were for myself.

Accept what you’ve become. No matter what you think, tragedies in our lives change us. A broken heart turn us to someonelse. I became a cynic even up to this day. I still have my guards up because letting lose is a process. Own the person that you are now not what you were, not what you or others want. Only when you’ve come into terms of who you really are that you are really capable of opening up to someone again.

Don’t fool yourself. Sometimes we like to wrap our lives in a nice gift paper and put a ribbon around it. It doesn’t matter what’s inside. I did that and the end result was just ugly. I learned that sugar coating is a load of crap. It’s like an enormous candy, all colorful and prett. But after it’s consumed gives you a terrible toothache. I decided after my first marriage to accept what IS. I wasn’t planning to fall inlove again but I did and it was wonderful. However, I didn’t allow myself to float to cloud nine too soon. It was real to me that it might not work. This helped me to live in possibilities of how the relationship could go.

Let God write the rest of your love story. I’ve tried my way because I was too proud to accept that I didn’t have it to love the right person the first time. You probably suck at it too. I learned, the hard way, to just let go and let God surprise surprise me with what He has instore for me, and boy He doesn’t disappoint. Not only I got an annoying and loving husband, He even made me a mother, something I thought I could never have. He is awesome that way.

Don’t play the victim role. This is trap for those who have been scorned. Once a victim always a victim. Hmm no. When we play victim we go on a circle of blaming others for what’s wrong. Nothing is our fault which is a big, fat lie. Yes, we got hurt and we’re broken, damn that person. But everything has an end, otherwise we will not move on. I did this- played the victim role and did it so well, I almost believed that I am on forever. But I learned I’m not the only victim in the world and I’m not an isolated case, I need to snap out of it and move on for real

Make the concious choice to trust wholeheartedly. Now, this is a murky road but it is a yes or no situation. I don’t believe in half trust because there is no such thing. After a tragic love story, how do you give your trust? You just do. Bring a clean slate into the table and that’s your capital to flourish the relationship. Not easy, you say, heck yeah. But simple because we need to do this.

So, is it sweeter the second time around? Definitely, but only because it was the man God designed for me. I got married again and how I felt about it was the total opposite of the first one. Everything I have been through in my life prepared me for Dennis, to be his wife and his partner to do life with.

To all lovely ladies here who failed once or twice or more, don’t lose hope and yourself. It is not over yet for you and me. Have faith that whatever road you take, as long as you let God do his job, you and i will be morethan fine.

Love is always sweeter when it is His turn.

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